I made a short video to show you how terrifying even an “uneventful” day in Day Z is. Turn it to HD in the settings to see it in its full glory.

For me, great games are all about choices. Decisions.

Day Z, the mod for ARMA 2 that sees you trying to survive in a world full of zombies, is a thing of constant choice.

Do I run? Do I crawl?

Do I shoot? Do I flee?

Do I explore? Do I leave it be?

Do I spare his life? Do I murder him?

Do I go left? Do I go right?

Town or forest?

Day or night?

Life or death?

This is a fine, fine thing.

Here are my predictions for the big announcements at this year’s E3.

MONTY FRONT-FRONT: The Commodore 64 legend is back in a brand new Monty Mole game for the Wii-U. It’s a platform game with an innovative new “shrug-dance” element, where players can use the Wii-U tablet to do a shrug-dance and say “Nuh-uh, no front-front.” I have no idea what a shrug-dance is, but I’m sure Reggie will explain it.

RAVIN’ RABBIDS GO FRONT-FRONT: Expanding on the whole “Front-Front” thing that’s going on, Ubisoft will announce a brand new caper involving the intellectual IP no-one gives a fuck about. Players will be able to use their Wii-U tablet’s “Apathy Sensor” to do a shrug-dance and say “Rabbid no front-front.”

A MARIO GAME OF SOME KIND: For a Nintendo machine of some kind.

TONY HAWK’S “LOOKIN’ OLD” - Tony Hawk will take to the stage to announce a game, but we’ll all be thinking the game’s title before he even says it. In this new skateboarding game, we’ll be able to step into the sneakers of Trad Bagelheifen, a new skater on the block. Trad hooks up with Tony Hawk and a bunch of other old guys and he’s like this to himself - “I need some new friends. Jesus. I mean… It’s fuckin’ OLD DUDES.”

MODERN WARFARE 2: BLACK OPS - This will be a very awkward announcement of a new game in the Call of Duty or Modern Warfare or Black Ops series, where some guy in a suit will look confused and say “It’s…this is Modern Warfare, right? Is it? Sorry, Black Ops. Wait. Which one are we on? Um…” He’ll then stare blankly at the crowd for a few minutes. An American will make a whooping noise, and the guy in the suit will say - “One second, trying to think…” And then someone might see a ghost.

WE FUCKED UP: KINECT - Described as an “Honesty Simulator”, Microsoft’s new game allows you to take part in the board meetings that spawned the whole Kinect idea. By raising your arm, you can pitch terrible ideas for a motion control system that will arrive to market when the boat has already sailed.

WE FUCKED UP: PS MOVE - A version of the Xbox WFU game, but with a smaller print run.

WE FUCKED UP: BLIZZARD (COLLECTOR’S EDITION) - Retailing at $250, this version of WFU allows you to do nothing but stare at the back of the game’s box while your PC spits the message “HONESTY CODE: WE FUCKED UP” at you. The Collector’s Edition features a 10 inch statue of Truman Capote and a hardback book detailing the half-remembered making of a Cheech and Chong film.

ANGRY BIRDS FRONT-FRONT: The big release for iPad and iPhone will be Angry Birds FF, which sees you buying Angry Birds again so that you can fling the cute creatures through the latest trend - Front-Front styled shrug-dance structures. Will be followed by Angry Birds Christmas Front-Front and Angry Birds Everyone On The Planet’s Birthday Front-Front parts 1-365.

NEW CONSOLE - THE DREAMCAST SLICE - Sega will announce a new Dreamcast console. But to play safe, it will be released only in slices, like the way you can sometimes buy a pizza. The games will be released as “toppings” that can be put on your slice and can only be used (played (eaten)) once.  Launch titles will be Crazy Taxi & Mushroom, Shenmue & Sausage and Toejam & Cheese.

Whatever happens, I’ll be blogging all through E3 right here.

A beach.

Pitch black. I mean - almost total darkness.

Already terrifying.

A run forward into a dark nothingness.

And somebody has left a single flare behind. A tiny pool of light.

And then I hear something running at me.

QUIT.

My first experiences in Day Z…

When you’re a parent who plays games a lot, you face a simple choice. Play less, or brainwash your children into believing that playing games is a good time. Now, playing games IS a good time. It’s the best of times. But kids need brainwashed into believing everything. They can never just take your word for stuff. They’re dicks that way.

I often get asked this question - “Hey, God of Games, what’s a good game to play with your kids?”

I now have the answer. It’s Minecraft. It’s specifically Minecraft on the Xbox 360, because it allows you to play in local split-screen multiplayer. That means that mum and dad and two kids can be in the world at any one time, building and mining together. That’s incredible.

We all already know how great Minecraft is. But playing Minecraft with a child is something else completely. See, being a father in this modern era is pretty easy. You never have to kill any bears who want to eat your daughter. You never have to gather any food - just order it online from Tesco. Minecraft lets you protect your child by building a house around it with your own two hands, instead of just buying a house from a man in a suit and then letting your child hear you have arguments about your mortgage.

I have never, in real life, been able to say to my daughter “STAY INSIDE. THERE’S A SKELETON AT THE DOOR!” You need to understand that I WANT to say that to her. I want to be that kind of father. But this boring modern life won’t allow it.

Minecraft on the 360 allows it. It allows you to be a hero to your children without leaving your couch. 

I can’t even put up a fucking shelf. In Minecraft I can build my daughter the mighty palace she deserves.

Get it.

A very old-fashioned game.

Very polished.

Very muscular.

Very satisfying.

Very addictive.

None of the above makes lag in a single-player game acceptable.

You should stop moaning. We are living in a games Golden Age. SHUT UP AND STOP MOANING!

Amen.

ON SUNDAY, THE GOD OF GAMES PLAYS HEROSCAPE.

DREADFLEET IS COMING